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 »  Home  »  Jokes  »  31 Signs the computer has taken over your life
31 Signs the computer has taken over your life
By  Super Admin  | Published  03/31/2005 | Jokes | Rating:
31 Signs the computer has taken over your life

1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead

. 2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.

3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers with laser printers.

4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.

5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.

6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.

7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.

9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.

10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.

11. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.

12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-)

13. You back up your data every day.

14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.

15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

17. The thought that CD could refer to investment finance or music rarely enters your mind.

18. You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. However, you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.

20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.

22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half inch sizes.

23. Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.

24. You own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.

25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.

26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.

27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.

29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better: the track ball or the track pad.

30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.

31. You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-to-face.

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Comments
  • Comment #1 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    The lower ratings are because the computer geeks are offended!!!!
     
  • Comment #2 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    It's crap
     
  • Comment #3 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    Crap!!!!!!! these jokes were the biggest porportuous pile of molting flab i have ever heard
     
  • Comment #4 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    not a computer geek and this article is fucking shit, who the fuck wasted their time typing this pile of shit, go get a fucking life you ass sucking fanny wipe
     
  • Comment #5 (Posted by your mother is a fat ape fucking pig)
    Rating
    this article was either written by a retard or a girl, not sure which. it was a pile of crap, the internet is filling up with losers like this author and half the words are spelt wrong, fuck off and write something a lil better and come back, why did you waste your time, why am i wasting my time? dont flatter yourself thinking you are funny posting some shit like that on the net, your wasting your time if you 5think you are funny, you are just showing the world how sad you really are because this article is about no other person but yourself.
     
  • Comment #6 (Posted by Nurd)
    Rating
    Excuse me but I am a girl and I can probably write things better than you, mister Fat Ape F***ing Pig. But I kinda agree, these were mediocre at best. And yes I am a computer Nurd and I ain't offended, these were just plain lame. There were only a few that were funny. NURDS UNITED
     
  • Comment #7 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    In response to comment #5: The jokes weren't great... some were funny, but thats all. It doesnt matter wether it was a girl or not. and the internet is full of crap, so get over it. oh and get a life
     
  • Comment #8 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    shit
     
  • Comment #9 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    i liked this article it was funny
     
  • Comment #10 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    It's True!
     
  • Comment #11 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    Its funny. You others, you know no humor. Or... COMPUTERS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
     
  • Comment #12 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    funny, but somewhat dated.
     
  • Comment #13 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    i get all thes e jokes lol and most of thema re afunny but i did too tell peopel about some of them face to face
     
  • Comment #14 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    horribly dated
     
  • Comment #15 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    if the cap fits lol
     
  • Comment #16 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    i am a girl and maybe a bit geeky but this is a load of garbage i could write better also find rather offensive whoever wrote this should find somthing useful to do than clog up the internet with this rubbish
     
  • Comment #17 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    I guess the computer haven't taken over my entire life yet! :-)
     
  • Comment #18 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    Yeah, you're totally right! LOL!!!
     
  • Comment #19 (Posted by Male Nurd)
    Rating
    Computer has taken over your life when you get excited meeting girl who are into tecnology .... Suddenly NURD attract my atention
     
  • Comment #20 (Posted by an unknown user)
    Rating
    I felt this to be somewhat UNFUNNY.
     
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