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 »  Home  »  Jokes  »  If Microsoft Built Cars
If Microsoft Built Cars
By  Super Admin  | Published  03/31/2005 | Jokes | Unrated
If Microsoft Built Cars

Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would just die on the highway for no reason. Accept this, restart and drive on.

Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause the car to stop and fail to restart. You'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car 95" or "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" light.

People would get excited about "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.

We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and auto fluids.

New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.

If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

Microsoft wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The engine would be a side-valve design so you could still use Model T Ford parts on it.

Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM and play Microsoft cassettes.

Microsoft would do well, because even though they don't own any roads, all road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars for free!

If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, you could borrow your friend's and copy it.

Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition a few days until it worked.

You would need an upgrade to run cars on a highway next to each other.

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Comments
  • Comment #1 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Because I'm a Mac user and this is all so true....except for the comment about Mac. More software is being made for Mac and Mac software is high quality.
     
  • Comment #2 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    if microsoft made a car it would probably come without the neccessary things to make it useful to anyone like a steering wheel and you'd have to pay 500euro more for that
     
  • Comment #3 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    if microsfot farted it would smell like doody!
     
  • Comment #4 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    nice joke
     
  • Comment #5 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    you are very right :)
     
  • Comment #6 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    i m not on MS side, But they sure know how to do the business better than anyone else.
     
  • Comment #7 (Posted by Mohanraj K.)
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    The microsoft car will run only in microsoft roads.
     
  • Comment #8 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    LOL!!!
     
  • Comment #9 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    You'd have to push start to turn it off :D
     
  • Comment #10 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    some of the jokes are dumb
     
  • Comment #11 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Very funny!!
     
  • Comment #12 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    u would be able a nice computer in it and park and play like plug and play
     
  • Comment #13 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Absolutly brilliant and is sooo funny!
     
  • Comment #14 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    "If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened." So true, it hurts!!! ROFLOL!!!
     
  • Comment #15 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    bcuse it was rilly funny
     
  • Comment #16 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    its funny..hehehe!
     
  • Comment #17 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    pretty much sums it up
     
  • Comment #18 (Posted by sierra)
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    that was so stupid
     
  • Comment #19 (Posted by sierra)
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    (that was so awsome it was very funny it made me laugh so hard.)
     
  • Comment #20 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    keep adding up to the joke
     
  • Comment #21 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    it is ok not that good but good
     
  • Comment #22 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    cool
     
  • Comment #23 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    funny
     
  • Comment #24 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    go mac!
     
  • Comment #25 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Allready running the microsoft car, you would have to start it, in order to stop it. Stan
     
  • Comment #26 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    If Mac made cars... They would be entirely made of white plastic or in colors named for flowers or fruit. They would cost twice as much as Microsoft cars. Most driver's ed schools would use Mac cars, but most companies would require that you drive to work in a Microsoft car.
     
  • Comment #27 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    yea, funny
     
  • Comment #28 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    (snort) Yeah, I beilieve it. WARNING:STEEREING WHEEL REQUIRES MORE RAM: YES OR YES? Is what the car would say if you turned too sharply. And if you braked too sharply, the hardware, (seats) Would Restart And eject. Microsoft would advertise a 32 bit and a 64 bit car. Microsoft only sold 1 64 bit car, with all upgrades to It's CEO. Bill Bought the following add-ons: Steering wheel, 1mb of ram, 5 seats, Trunk, and the horn.
     
  • Comment #29 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    true so true
     
  • Comment #30 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    because it is humorous AND true.
     
  • Comment #31 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Microsoft is much better than Mac. More programs may be made for Mac but usually they also run on Windows and they run smoother on Windows.
     
  • Comment #32 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Thounds of people would spend thounds of hours hitting and banging your ms car to demonstrate that once its broken it doesn't move anymore
     
  • Comment #33 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    stupid
     
  • Comment #34 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    IT IS AWESOMMEEE!!!!!!! :D
     
  • Comment #35 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    I would love to see the mechanics at Microsoft's car dealerships. "Is the car full of gas?" "Is it running?" "Did you turn on your windshield?" "Turn it off, and back on." turning your own wrenches would cause more problems than fix. oh, and while cruising on the interstate, you would have to jiggle the steering wheel every now and again in order to keep it from putting up the sun visor thing people use to keep their dashboards safe (screen saver? yea)
     
  • Comment #36 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    mac is horrible apple is just hipocritical nowadays
     
  • Comment #37 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Originality n'great truth I can see in this article, young padavan...
     
  • Comment #38 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    This is still one of the funniest stories I have ever read, Thanks!
     
  • Comment #39 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    good but not funny..
     
  • Comment #40 (Posted by man of gold)
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    And of course microsoft wouldnt test he car before selling it, they would just let the user have problems and then ask you to tell them what happened so they could then modify it, and every car would need to constantly updated avery time you use it which would mean going back to the ealers.
     
  • Comment #41 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    hilarious
     
  • Comment #42 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    i am a mac user and i think that they should stick to computers honestly!!!
     
  • Comment #43 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    LOL!
     
  • Comment #44 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Before moving to a busy road it will definitely asked “Are you sure you want to drive”?
     
  • Comment #45 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Simply because Microsoft sucks!
     
  • Comment #46 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    I guess Comment #1 is written by a Mac-dealer. Remember - Macintosh is just as rotten!
     
  • Comment #47 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    This is OLD! (but still funny)I remember reading this in an email before Windows 2000 came out.
     
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